My Lament

It was a clear night where all the stars up in the sky were at their brightest, boasting their splendor and elegance. The light emanating from the moonlit sky paired with the candle on the table sparks and atmosphere of romance and passion where a heart can be fueled to commit unspeakable feats. The night was deafeningly quiet except for the plans and promises exchanged by two lovers, with a bottle of red and a chunk of cheese to seal the deal.

There I sat, with a glass of wine on one hand and my love's hand on the other; contented to live this life for as long as I stay in this world. As sparks flew and chemistry rose to uncontrollable proportions, I was filled with bravery that shamed all the great loves of history. I got up, got down on one knee and got down to business; with utter eloquence and courage, I proposed my undying, unending and unyielding love.
YES?
Shattered the momentary silence...
YES!
Lifted my spirits up to the heavens and I didn't want to go back to earth...
YES.
Was the answer which made all the beads of sweat on my forehead worthwhile...

http://growing-up-thirty.blogspot.com/2009/06/good-luck-chuck-personified.html

I realized that not a lot of people know how close I was at tying the knot; not a lot knew of my pain as well. I was in absolute agony not knowing where to go or what to do next. I was broken and apart from piecing myself back together; I also had to segregate who I am, who I was, and who I am not. I had to separate me from the other person and who I have become because of 'us'.

We were fine as a couple, never had to go to sleep angry cause we never had a fight. I was consumed by bliss and contentment that I never knew possible. I had my mind set on the lifetime we had planned together. We had plans. I was the happiest in those moments, where I knew I had a future-- with my fiance. I had a FIANCE. I was scared of what is to come, yes, but it never bothered me. I was not going through it alone-- I will be with my FIANCE. Or so I thought.

Please, LOVE ME STILL!
Was all that I could cry out, though, deep down I know that it is not my choice to make. I guess, it was never meant to be. No matter how much I want to keep 'us' together, I know I should not. It was the first time I trusted, it was the first time I jumped, it was the first time I loved. It was the first time I was selfless. It was the first time I chose to love.

Now, forgive me, if I desire to be CHOSEN. That is the only time I can be sure. If I do get chosen despite my short comings, I WILL SURELY MAKE IT WORTH YOUR WHILE.

Choose to spend a lifetime with me and I will spend that lifetime reminding you why you chose me.